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I aten’t dead.

June 8, 2011

Crossposted from Dreamwidth.

Oh yeah. I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth, but a lot of all kinds of energy seems to have been going into recovering from the longterm D deficiency. (Now that I know what the symptoms are for me, it looks like this has been a problem to varying degrees for at least 15 years. Ever since I got put on meds that made me photosensitive and prone to overheating in the sun, surprise! :-|) On the plus side, the musculoskeletal pain is continuing to improve *crosses fingers*, to the point that plain aspirin is enough most of the time (if just barely). Most of the pain is from bones, not constantly spasmy electrolyte-deprived muscles now. I’ve yet to have a pain-free day, but it’s looking possible again. OTOH, if anything the brain fog has been temporarily worse lately, and has really been getting in the way of replying after reading stuff. Reading/writing/working with language, actually; the first thing that usually goes for me.

But, given all the things vitamin D does in the body (since it’s really a steroid hormone, not a vitamin) and the amount of bone remineralization that must be going on–since the osteomalacia got to the point of the pelvic fracture from a dog kick and my shinbones are not straight anymore–that side of things probably needs the lion’s share of resources right now. So I’m trying not to worry about it too much.


Click through for a bigger version that’s actually readable. I am not up to describing that image right now, sorry. (Was glad to find out that having trouble with that anyway is a common autistic thing.) And the hell of it is, that’s far from a complete list, presumably for space considerations. (Edit 15/05/2013: The image link was broken, and I had to edit it to another graphic with similar info from the same site. The same points still stand.)

A lot of time and energy have also been going into doing things I just couldn’t reasonably do before, like (patio) gardening and trying to get this house cleaned up. Which has been very nice in a way, especially since finding out there’s been a “legitimate” named problem has kinda given me permission not to run myself into the ground so much. *shakes head* I still get worn out very easily, but it’s so nice to be able to do this stuff in the first place! So, I haven’t been online much at all lately.

Basically, I’m to the point that I’m feeling stronger and healthier enough to be able to appreciate (and keep getting shocked at) just how weak and unhealthy I’d gradually gotten. While I don’t expect instant total improvement after the length of time this crap has been going on, with any luck the energy levels will even out a bit soon!

5 Comments leave one →
  1. June 8, 2011 1:42 pm

    An ironic title, considering Pratchett’s recent euthanasia advocacy…

    • urocyon permalink
      June 8, 2011 2:20 pm

      Yeah, there is that. 😦 One of those complicated issues, to be sure. Having taken care of someone with a very painful terminal illness, I wouldn’t be that concerned if it weren’t for all the lousy attitudes and tendencies toward interference and coercion going around. *sigh*

  2. June 9, 2011 1:18 am

    Reading/writing/working with language, actually; the first thing that usually goes for me.

    Me, too. Speech goes before written language, but there are definitely days when I am not very good at written language, either.

    And that sucks about Terry Pratchett.

    • urocyon permalink
      June 10, 2011 1:02 pm

      The same here, with speech going before written language, and expressive before receptive, with that; wrapping words around things is a lot harder for me than reading. (But, I’m hyperlexic.) Which is why I do get a little concerned when reading (and making sense out of it) gets really tiring.

      Yeah. I can certainly understand why, in his situation, he’s become more convinced that people should have access to legal assisted suicide. Which, from my own experience, I have trouble not agreeing with–talk about interference with self-determination! But, there’s all the disablism, power differentials prone to abuse, possibly cost-saving motivations, etc. Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg described those well in Why I Oppose the Vermont “Death with Dignity” Bill. Basically, interfering with people in either way sucks, and should not happen. But it does.

      [ETA: Obviously, in no case, should other people be deciding for anyone else whether they should continue to live, or whether their life is worth living. No. /ETA]

      If people were not under pressure (including from lousy ideas about “dignity” and being a burden, and other people deciding what an acceptable quality of life is)–and were sure of getting decent palliative care, with adequate pain relief and the like–I would not have a problem with it. Even so, if you’re in intractable severe pain to the point that the hospice people start out suspecting you’re just not getting the morphine–and you’re having mini-strokes from the stress (start yelling and screaming and writhing from pain, have a stroke 😐 ) and begging people to kill you–it should be an option anyway, IMO. It does happen, especially if you’re prone to idiosyncratic medication reactions. Actually, after seeing what can happen when the pain relief available barely works, I made Nigel promise to take me to the Netherlands or something if I ever got in the kind of shape my mother was in and was no longer able to take care of things myself.

      That kind of situation is what comes to mind when I think about dying with dignity–nobody should have to live or die like that, reduced to begging for the only relief available and unable to get it–and it distresses me that this is not what a lot of other people mean when they use the term.

      Yeah, that probably needed a post of its own instead of clunking up comments, but … 😉

      • June 11, 2011 12:31 am

        Yeah, I feel pretty much the same. I can see contingencies where being able to choose a quick, painless death would be a good thing, but I think that if we had assisted suicide as an option, too many people would be coerced into it. 😦

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