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	<title>Urocyon&#039;s Meanderings</title>
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		<title>QOTD (and PSA): Adult-diagnosed celiac disease and osteomalacia</title>
		<link>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/qotd-and-psa-adult-diagnosed-celiac-disease-and-osteomalacia/</link>
		<comments>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/qotd-and-psa-adult-diagnosed-celiac-disease-and-osteomalacia/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 29 Jan 2012 02:48:54 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>urocyon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celiac]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chronic fatigue]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chronic pain]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[malnutrition]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[minerals]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[osteomalacia]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[vitamin d]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[From a text I ran across, Metabolic bone disease and clinically related disorders (edited by Louis V. Avioli, Stephen M. Krane), discussing health problems which cause malabsorption: The potential risk of osteomalacia is greatest in adult celiac disease because the mucosal defect impairs absorption of vitamin D and calcium directly and may also reduce local [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=urocyon.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2397733&amp;post=5780&amp;subd=urocyon&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>From a text I ran across, <a href="http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=Ygfwip9ZeQoC&amp;pg=PA357&amp;lpg=PA357#v=onepage&amp;q&amp;f=false" target="_blank">Metabolic bone disease and clinically related disorders</a> (edited by Louis V. Avioli, Stephen M. Krane), discussing health problems which cause malabsorption:</p>
<blockquote><p>The potential risk of osteomalacia is greatest in adult celiac disease because the mucosal defect impairs absorption of vitamin D and calcium directly and may also reduce local calcitriol synthesis. Patients with mild subclinical celiac disease may manifest all the symptoms of HVOi[*], which improve with a gluten-free diet. <strong>In patients untreated for many years, osteomalacia develops in more than half</strong>, but can be forestalled by timely diagnosis. Osteomalacia can occur even without steatorrhea and may be the presenting manifestation&#8230;[T]here is no response to ultraviolet irradiation or to moderate doses of vitamin D in the absence of a gluten-free diet.</p></blockquote>
<p>Emphasis added, and citations omitted (you can click through to the book preview if you want to see that). As the local calcitriol synthesis and lack of response to UV exposure would suggest, just what I have been able to skim so far has been very interesting in terms of complexity; I&#8217;d suspected as much, but the usual models presented are <em>way</em> oversimplified.</p>
<p>One interesting bit that seems very relevant: what sounds like another vicious cycle, in which calcium can&#8217;t be used properly without enough vitamin D (the bit that gets the most attention)&#8211;but, also, depleted calcium levels will keep your body from using the D properly. The roles of a lot of other minerals involved in bone modeling, and how they interact, are poorly understood. </p>
<p>There is also discussion of how multiple factors tend to be involved, if things get to the point of serious bone demineralization and/or hypocalcemia symptoms. Including that people with disabilities that keep them from getting out much tend not to get much UV exposure; I&#8217;d add that this can also snowball, as you feel worse and worse from deficiency problems.</p>
<p>An excellent point from <a href="http://www.enabling.org/ia/celiac/osteopo.html" target="_blank">Osteoporosis and Osteomalacia in Patients with Celiac Disease</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p>Although it may be asymptomatic, Celiac Disease is a lifelong disease. If there is lifelong impairment in calcium absorption, bone density will be compromised.</p></blockquote>
<p>This is too often overlooked by clinicians, when dealing with people diagnosed as adults, often because the symptoms have changed. While I did have digestive problems my whole life that got put off on all kinds of things&#8211;because celiac was still considered so rare&#8211;it suddenly got a <strong>lot</strong> worse as an adult, after I moved somewhere that wheat is cheap and gets used in absolutely everything like corn is in the US. Some people don&#8217;t even have the obvious if lower-level digestive symptoms. And, as mentioned in the main quote, just because you haven&#8217;t been spending half your time with the runs like you&#8217;ve been eating Olestra over the longer term, that doesn&#8217;t mean you&#8217;ve been absorbing nutrients properly. </p>
<p>I honestly think there is too often also the perception, including among medical professionals, that if an adult had really been suffering from celiac disease (and I use &#8220;suffering&#8221; advisedly here) for a lifetime, they&#8217;d be dead or at least severely impaired in readily visible ways. Leading to the idea that even though celiac is, by definition, a lifelong condition, the onset must have been recent&#8211;or it must have been a mild enough case not to have done any real damage. Bzzt, it doesn&#8217;t work that way.</p>
<p>It doesn&#8217;t help that both celiac and vitamin D deficiency are still considered rarer than they are, to the point of their just not thinking to look for it. Osteomalacia among people who are not elderly, even more so.</p>
<p>Another often overlooked point, from <a href="http://glutenfreeworks.com/blog/2010/07/05/osteomalacia-in-adult-celiac-disease/" target="_blank">Osteomalacia in Adult Celiac Disease</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p>Mineralization defect and osteomalacic changes are common later on, irrespective of whether patients are in remission or not. Changes may not respond to a gluten-free diet <strong>alone but may require supplementation</strong>.</p></blockquote>
<p>That one also includes pretty good descriptions** of some of the signs to watch out for. (Even if it gives bad off-the-cuff advice about how much sun exposure is needed.) </p>
<p>Emphasis in the original, this time. That is what seems to have happened to me, not helped at all by lack of UV exposure at the latitude where I am living. (On a GF diet for better than five years now, and I seem to be able to synthesize and use D from sunlight when it&#8217;s available.) But, there is a pretty common idea that a GF diet will fix everything, and quickly. When you&#8217;re almost certainly dealing with multiple longterm deficiencies, that ain&#8217;t necessarily so&#8211;which should be obvious. One good analogy I saw, though I can&#8217;t remember where, in the context of just a vitamin D deficiency and low-level supplementation: it&#8217;s like trying to treat dehydration with a shot glass full of water. All the while, you&#8217;re getting more and more dehydrated.</p>
<p>And that&#8217;s even without some professionals not even sending people for nutrient testing and bone scans&#8211;and brushing off classic vitamin/mineral deficiency and osteomalacia symptoms. Because a GF diet fixes everything instantly, right? (Yeah, it&#8217;s hard not to sound bitter sometimes. But, there&#8217;s just no excuse.)</p>
<p>Another factor that may be relevant, and I suspect is one reason why I&#8217;ve been needing to take so much vitamin D and Osteocare (with other minerals besides calcium, which has made a difference): the <a href="http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/578508_2" target="_blank">relationship</a> between vitamin D and some continuing IBS symptoms.</p>
<blockquote><p>The relationship with vitamin D and IBS is cyclic. Autoimmune disorders are associated with vitamin D deficiency, but then can also cause vitamin D deficiency. The malabsorption caused by IBS results in deficiency of vitamins absorbed in the intestines, which includes vitamin D.</p></blockquote>
<p>Sounds like a ball that (autoimmune) celiac could easily get rolling, yeah. More vicious cycles.</p>
<p>But, I was shocked enough by the &#8220;more than half&#8221; prevalence that I had to post the original quote; then it mushroomed. <img src='http://s0.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif' alt=':)' class='wp-smiley' /> </p>
<p>_____________</p>
<p>* Explanation from <a href="http://www.ajcn.org/content/69/5/825.full" target="_blank">Lessons for nutritional science from vitamin D</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p>Parfitt (3), building on the expansion of knowledge in bone biology in the past 40 y, has characterized the disorder due to insufficient vitamin D as &#8220;hypovitaminosis D osteopathy&#8221; (HVO) (3). He divides HVO into 3 stages along a scale of increasing severity. In HVOi there is malabsorption of calcium accompanied by physiologic evidence of an attempt to compensate (eg, elevated parathyroid hormone production and high bone remodeling); the result is bone loss, ie, osteoporosis. In HVOii, bone mass is also low, calcium malabsorption continues, and bone remodeling is either high or drops back into the normal range; now, histologic examination of bone reveals subclinical, early osteomalacia. In HVOiii, clinical rickets or osteomalacia is present and bone remodeling is reduced or absent entirely (partly because of the dependence of bone resorption on 1,25-dihydroxyvitamin D [1,25(OH)2D] and partly because bony surfaces covered with unmineralized osteoid serve as barriers to osteoclastic erosion). The prevalence of each degree of HVO is unknown but environmental vitamin D availability seems sufficient to prevent HOViii in most North Americans. Therefore, most vitamin D deficiency does not manifest itself as clinical rickets or osteomalacia.</p></blockquote>
<p>** I would add: the pain can also be in long bones in your arms&#8211; and especially the ribcage and sternum, too. They underemphasize the kind of pain levels it can cause. And it does more than ache once the insufficiency/stress fractures start, so if this might be a problem for you, I hope you can get it managed before it reaches that point!</p>
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		<title>Pain, PTSD, looking &#8220;crazy&#8221;, and human rights</title>
		<link>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/pain-ptsd-looking-crazy-and-human-rights/</link>
		<comments>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/pain-ptsd-looking-crazy-and-human-rights/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 27 Jan 2012 16:47:34 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>urocyon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[autism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[brain fog]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chronic fatigue]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chronic pain]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[disability shame]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fatigue]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gaslighting]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[medical PTSD]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[pain]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PTSD]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Stupid Looping Tricks]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[I have held off on writing much lately in part because I haven&#8217;t wanted to be a downer. (Even if I do a decent bit of ranting here, anyway.) On top of having continuing problems with language. Though I&#8217;ve been reminding myself that my mind does not seem to handle language in the same way [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=urocyon.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2397733&amp;post=5762&amp;subd=urocyon&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I have held off on writing much lately in part because I haven&#8217;t wanted to be a downer. (Even if I do a decent bit of ranting here, anyway.) On top of having continuing problems with language.</p>
<p>Though I&#8217;ve been reminding myself that my mind does not seem to handle language in the same way as most other people&#8217;s, these troubles have still been both frustrating and more than a little frightening. (More on that in a bit.) I may tend to come across as more hyperverbal&#8211;in a sometimes distressingly stream-of-consciousness chattering way&#8211;around people I know well, but <em>language</em> is basically not my native language. And sometimes I&#8217;m unable to act like it is.</p>
<p>With other abilities and probably even parts of the brain doing the duty of most people&#8217;s native language processing, that is one of the first things to go whenever I get sick, in pain, or otherwise overwhelmed. Usually I&#8217;m what they insist on calling hyperlexic&#8211;as in, if there is text in a script I can understand, I must at least try to read it&#8211;but I have rarely had the resources available to read and make sense of it lately. (Also frustrating with a fairly new Kobo and &#8220;stacks&#8221; of unread e-books there and on my phone, but hey&#8230;) I&#8217;ve been trying not to be too hard on myself, and not keep telling myself how stupid I am, but that only goes so far sometimes.</p>
<p>As people who have been reading for a while may remember, I finally figured out last winter that I had not (untreated) fibromyalgia, but a longterm <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/tag/vitamin-d/" target="_blank">vitamin D deficiency</a>. The recovery is neither quick nor linear anyway, but things were improving&#8211;then I underestimated how much to increase the supplementation over the dark months, with <strong>no</strong> UVB rays available at British latitudes for months. Welcome back active neuromuscular irritability and osteomalacia symptoms!</p>
<p>It happened gradually enough&#8211;and I&#8217;d gotten accustomed enough to the signs over the years&#8211;that I only figured out a couple of weeks ago that it was time to double up on the supplements. Like sinking back into depression and only noticing when you&#8217;re about to hit bottom again. (Which is also directly caused by this deficiency, and probably did not help with figuring it out sooner.) Getting into the couple of months when people have the lowest vitamin D levels&#8230;yeah.</p>
<p>So, I&#8217;ve got some spasms back, my bones hurt, I&#8217;m trying to heal fairly fresh <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/09/22/osteomalacia-recovery-when-pelvises-attack/" target="_blank">insufficiency/stress fractures</a> in my pelvis and probably a couple of bottom ribs. I&#8217;ve been bone-deep, CFS-level exhausted pretty much all the time, on top of the depression and anxiety symptoms coming direct from the deficiency&#8211;and some reactive depression and anxiety, because of feeling like shit and hardly being able to get anything done. In spite of seeming to have a really high pain tolerance to the point that this has also caused multiple kinds of problems, the pain levels are once again triggering repetitive thoughts about wanting to die. (No need to call the cops or anything; I&#8217;m not actually suicidal. It&#8217;s an annoying pain response, past a certain threshold. Wanting constant pain to stop is not the same as actually wanting to die, no matter what Stupid Looping Tricks the mind starts playing.) The neuromuscular irritability from messed-up electrolyte levels also causes pain amplification, and with a nervous system already prone to sensory overload, I have been getting out of the house maybe once a week during a <em>good</em> week. To add extra fun, a lot of PTSD stuff has been coming up again: a lot of the point of this post.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m not fishing for sympathy here, but trying to explain what&#8217;s been going on. And laying it out like that, at least in part, to reassure myself that I really am having some legitimate problems.</p>
<p>Enter the secondary (and maybe tertiary, etc.) level of PTSD and disability shame.</p>
<p>More Stupid Looping Tricks: It must really be all in my head&#8211;trying to get some kind of dubious benefits I don&#8217;t even consciously <em>want</em>&#8211;and I just need to pull myself out of it and be a responsible person. I must just want to live in a horribly messy house, and not care about the effects it&#8217;s having on the people around me (including the animals <em>[who actually don't seem to mind]</em>). Not being able to bend over without stressing pelvic fractures is no excuse for being lazy. If I don&#8217;t snap out of it&#8211;or at the very least stop whining about it&#8211;Mr. U is going to get totally sick of me and throw me out. That would be understandable with the mess and the problems doing things like cooking and laundry on any kind of regular basis. Nobody wants to listen to me whine, anyway, because they&#8217;ve got <strong>real</strong> problems of their own. And I must just be unwilling to seek more medical treatment, and get some decent pain relief*&#8211;so should just suck it up until or unless I&#8217;m willing to act like a responsible adult.</p>
<p><a title="Disability and gaslighting" href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/04/11/disability-and-gaslighting/">Disability and gaslighting</a>? You betcha.</p>
<p>And another level, getting closer to some of the PTSD: I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, with the mental health concern trolling. I keep waiting for disrespectful treatment that I know rationally, based on experience to date, is highly unlikely to suddenly erupt from Mr. U.</p>
<p>I keep thinking of one quote from <a href="http://www.minoritynurse.com/nurse-led-interventions/what-color-your-pain">What Color Is Your Pain?</a> (which came up before in a slightly different context):</p>
<blockquote><p>“Consider, for instance, a patient who comes in with a ‘4’ or a ‘3’ on the 1-10 [pain] scale yet says he can’t walk, dress or do other daily living activities,” Green-Rashad continues. “Pain is really affecting this person negatively. You may notice behavioral signs&#8211;frowning, moaning&#8211;or changes in vital signs. I don’t think one parameter can be used exclusively. You have to put them all together.”</p></blockquote>
<p>I am resembling that comment a little too much lately. This is not the first time I have had trouble doing things like showering as regularly as I would like, having disrupted sleep patterns, barely being able to go out of the house, etc.&#8211;from straightforward physical illness/pain. And I get extra shame and fear going, because I keep waiting for value judgments to be made and for these things to be put off on presumed mental illness.</p>
<p>And then have the trouble communicating, tendency to go stonefaced when I&#8217;m in pain, etc. taken very, very badly by the professionals I am forced to see. While that makes it easier for people with their own agendas to get heard over/<em>instead of</em> me&#8230;especially since I&#8217;m the crazy one, right? And get frustrated, abusive treatment when the, erm, &#8220;treatments&#8221; for the presumed mental illness just add extra problems on top of the autism and physical ailments. I am getting stronger PTSD reactions now, I think, because my physical situation now is way too reminiscent of several years after I crashed out of college, and was put on meds that helped get the whole chronic D deficiency thing going. I feel physically similar (plus stress fractures but minus horrible med side effects, now), and expect to hear the same horrible shit from the person(s) I live with every single day. To the point of cringing and crying sometimes.</p>
<p>Understanding better now some of the reasons my mom had a need to do this shit and set up situations where the other person honestly <em>could not possibly win</em> (not going into that much now, beyond that it was passing the trauma along) does help some. But, the reactions linger on, partly as extra disability shame. I haven&#8217;t managed to shower again, I get waves of dread and anxiety attacks when it&#8217;s time for Mr. U to come home. I keep having panic reactions, just looking at the messes I am not physically able to clean up. (Even though Mr. U honestly doesn&#8217;t notice most of it&#8211;which is another story. <img src='http://s0.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_neutral.gif' alt=':-|' class='wp-smiley' />  ) I feel like crap because I am not able to take the poor dog out for walks regularly, and the &#8220;Help, I&#8217;m looking more autistic!&#8221; factor is preventing me from hiring someone to do it.</p>
<p>And so on. And so on. And I get disgusted at finding myself acting like a whipped dog, when I am not trying to defuse OTT anger reactions.</p>
<p>Combine all that hypervigilance with the hypocalcemia/hypomagnesemia neuromuscular irritability, and you&#8217;ve got one huge spoon-eating monster, right there. (I may not be fond of the spoons metaphor, but it&#8217;s the only handy and somewhat readily understood one I&#8217;ve got.) That brings my ability to function way down, and I have been trying hard to apply some mindfulness and not let that spiral. And then feel guilty about turning into a gibbering wreck. <img src='http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif' alt=';)' class='wp-smiley' /> </p>
<p>Another Stupid Looping Trick: It has also started trying to distract me from touchier subjects (really) with repetitive worries that even though I have a lab-supported deficiency, and the symptoms got better with more vitamin D&#8211;maybe I really have cancer like my mother. And I guess you&#8217;ll just have to <strong>make</strong> yourself go and get that checked out if you&#8217;re concerned about it, or you have no excuse for even worrying, right? <img src='http://s0.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_sad.gif' alt=':(' class='wp-smiley' />  That has been more annoying than anything else, but it also eats spoons.</p>
<p>But, yeah. Mostly I&#8217;ve been trying to convince myself lately that: </p>
<p>I have a right to be sick. I have a right to be in pain. Even if other people might also be sick and/or in pain, that doesn&#8217;t mean I can&#8217;t be. It&#8217;s not some kind of competition or zero-sum situation.</p>
<p>And, to go along with that: If somebody says they&#8217;re sick and/or in pain and you refuse to believe them, that is you, not them.</p>
<p>Even if I <strong>am</strong> crazy, I have a right to that too. Nobody else has the right to treat me like shit, if I am crazy. Nobody has the right to decide what&#8217;s really good for me, based on either their perception or the actual fact of mental illness.</p>
<p>Nobody has a right to decide how I am really feeling&#8211;physically, spiritually, emotionally, or in any other way&#8211;much less what I &#8220;should&#8221; be doing or able to do. They&#8217;re not me, and that takes a lot of gall.</p>
<p>Boundaries? Yes, they are a thing. And yes, I am entitled to some.</p>
<p>If I am feeling like shit, I do not have an obligation to try to pretend I&#8217;m not. If that makes other people uncomfortable, it&#8217;s not my fault.</p>
<p>Having <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/01/18/cannot-brain-today/" title="Cannot brain today.">cognitive problems</a>&#8211;for whatever reason&#8211;does not make you less deserving of respect.</p>
<p>I am not responsible for other people&#8217;s feelings, beyond showing basic respect myself. If another adult cannot/will not learn to do emotional regulation, it is not somehow my fault. (See also the <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/07/22/psa-links-abuse-and-taking-care-of-yourself/" target="_blank">ugly side</a> of Emotionally Volatile Bear.)</p>
<p>(Once again) I am not somehow obligated to push myself until I drop, regardless of any health problems I may be experiencing. That is abusive to my body (and mind, and spirit, and&#8230;) Nobody else is justified in expecting this, or getting insulting when I cannot/will not continue doing it.</p>
<p>Nobody can always Be Strong. That is easily twisted to hurt people. There is nothing shameful about not being able to Be Strong in every way. And it does not somehow justify/excuse lousy treatment.</p>
<p>If you are placing value judgments on what you don&#8217;t understand, that is your problem. It is not the other person&#8217;s, no matter how hard you try to make that so.</p>
<p>If someone else is having trouble speaking in a way that seems acceptable to you, that does not mean that you can just decide what they want to say and speak for them. Not at all.</p>
<p>Deciding that a disabled person is such a drag that you need to end the relationship is just plain shitty. And not somehow the fault of the disabled person, should that happen.</p>
<p>Anybody who wants to dismiss someone else&#8217;s symptoms as <a title="Psychosomatic labels, and assumptions" href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/08/12/psychosomatic-labels-and-assumptions/" target="_blank">psychosomatic</a>&#8211;especially when that means just not treating them&#8211;should experience all those symptoms for at least three months. Even if that does include things like feeling like your bones are filled with boiling/freezing lead, and having some of them just snap. And get sneered at and mental health concern trolled the whole time, instead of adequate/<em>any</em> pain relief. Seriously. I&#8217;d pay to watch in a couple of cases, low on compassion as that sounds.</p>
<p>That&#8217;s all I can think of right at the moment, starting to experience a language spoon depletion. There&#8217;s more.</p>
<p>An excellent post on this very topic, which I ran across the other day at PTSD Forum: <a href="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/your-basic-human-rights.22742/" target="_blank">Your Basic Human Rights</a>.</p>
<blockquote><p>I grew up totally unaware of my basic human rights.<br />
I don&#8217;t know if this is common among people who have ptsd or not, but I thought others may find it as helpful as I did, so here is what I learned about my rights</p></blockquote>
<p>I&#8217;m not going to quote all of the list, but it is excellent. And, yeah, I grew up unaware or maybe half-aware that I might have most of these. Another excellent whole thread there that I have not managed to finish yet: <a href="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/invalidation-the-root-of-all-evil.21410/" target="_blank">Invalidation: The Root Of All Evil?</a>.</p>
<p>Which leads me to what prompted me to finally break the recent silence today: <strong><a href="http://theloudhandsproject.tumblr.com/about" target="_blank">The Loud Hands Project</a></strong>.</p>
<p>Savannah posted an excellent video from a recent post <a href="https://plus.google.com/106537326573403836428/posts/Q5Q2bagh9qL" target="_blank">to G+</a> earlier: <a href="http://aspierhetor.com/2012/01/26/i-stim-therefore-i-am-loud-hands-blogaround/" target="_blank"> I stim, therefore I am [Loud Hands Blogaround]</a> from <a href="http://aspierhetor.com" target="_blank">aspie rhetor</a>.</p>
<p>And I automatically felt like crap that not only have I not been able to participate in that project so far, I didn&#8217;t even know there was a Blogaround going. Because I haven&#8217;t been able to keep up with other blog reading&#8211;much less interacting through comments&#8211;either.</p>
<p>I also want to do videos, myself, and have not been able to. After some really awful speech therapy (of the &#8220;audio record, play back, and mock&#8221;, &#8220;you&#8217;re Not Trying Hard Enough&#8221; school), I get anxiety attacks at just the idea. Maybe when the background stress levels are lower I could do it if I post things without first listening to or watching them to edit, but I actually tried turning the camera on myself earlier and had a serious panic problem.</p>
<p>And, yeah, all of that is very relevant, being ultimately instilled shame over being an autistic person. Who responds to illness like, erm, an autistic person&#8211;and starts looking much &#8220;lower-functioning&#8221; and not being able to pass so well.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>_____________<br />
*  <em>It couldn&#8217;t be thanks to dismissal, being told repeatedly that it&#8217;s all in my head, having real trouble communicating when sick/in pain, and being afraid based on actual experience that I might get forced psychiatric treatment if I object to being treated like shit. And it&#8217;s not like I wasn&#8217;t in mostly untreated pain for 15 years <strong>while</strong> seeing doctors regularly, whether I wanted to or not. </em>I could rant more about that, but I think you get the picture. The medical PTSD&#8211;and thinking about some of the problems that caused it&#8211;has been getting on my nerves.</p>
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		<title>The Day The LOLcats Died (video)</title>
		<link>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/the-day-the-lolcats-died-video/</link>
		<comments>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/the-day-the-lolcats-died-video/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 18 Jan 2012 03:58:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>urocyon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[abuse of power]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[censorship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PIPA]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SOPA]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[videos]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://urocyon.wordpress.com/?p=5753</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[All the Companies Supporting SOPA, the Awful Internet Censorship Law—and How to Contact Them &#160; The Day The LOLcats Died &#8211; YouTube.<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=urocyon.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2397733&amp;post=5753&amp;subd=urocyon&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://gizmodo.com/5870241/presented-without-comment-every-single-company-supporting-sopa-the-awful-internet-censorship-law">All the Companies Supporting SOPA, the Awful Internet Censorship Law—and How to Contact Them</a></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<span style="text-align:center; display: block;"><a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/the-day-the-lolcats-died-video/"><img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/1p-TV4jaCMk/2.jpg" alt="" /></a></span>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1p-TV4jaCMk">The Day The LOLcats Died &#8211; YouTube</a>.</p>
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		<title>QOTD: Tolerance</title>
		<link>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/12/31/qotd-tolerance/</link>
		<comments>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/12/31/qotd-tolerance/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 31 Dec 2011 17:30:27 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>urocyon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[quotes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[tolerance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[xenophobia]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[From Botgirl Questi, on G+: The word &#8220;tolerance&#8221; bothered me until I realized what we are tolerating is our own discomfort about those we don&#8217;t understand. Exactly. And it is a very low expectation to place on ourselves. More on that later&#8211;having been wanting to write something about xenophobia, ideas about human nature, and the [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=urocyon.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2397733&amp;post=5749&amp;subd=urocyon&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>From Botgirl Questi, <a href="https://plus.google.com/117065260019235167982/posts/GDqExNmzj2H" target="_blank">on G+</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p>The word &#8220;tolerance&#8221; bothered me until I realized what we are tolerating is our own discomfort about those we don&#8217;t understand.</p></blockquote>
<p>Exactly. And it is a <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/11/11/shortchanging-people-through-low-expectations-societal-edition/" target="_blank">very low expectation</a> to place on ourselves.</p>
<p>More on that later&#8211;having been wanting to write something about <a title="Sometimes it’s hard to avoid sounding nasty in English." href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/08/25/sometimes-its-hard-to-avoid-sounding-nasty-in-english/" target="_blank">xenophobia</a>, ideas about human nature, and the acceptable default positions those can lead to anyway&#8211;but I just had to share that quote.</p>
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		<title>Quickie: More abuse in schools</title>
		<link>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/12/21/quickie-more-abuse-in-schools/</link>
		<comments>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/12/21/quickie-more-abuse-in-schools/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 21 Dec 2011 17:32:24 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>urocyon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ableism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[autism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[disability]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[disablism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[educational abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ranty]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[respect]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[I can&#8217;t help but include this one again. For a bit of sorely-needed cathartic comic relief. Warning: Abuse of an autistic child in an educational setting Fuckery of the Day: Petition to Board of Education of Mercer County, Kentucky In Mercer County, Kentucky, nine year old Chris Baker, an Autistic student, was told by his [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=urocyon.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2397733&amp;post=5737&amp;subd=urocyon&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I can&#8217;t help but include this one <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/08/17/autistic-death-squad-a-shameless-reblog/">again</a>. For a bit of sorely-needed cathartic comic relief.</p>
<span style="text-align:center; display: block;"><a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/12/21/quickie-more-abuse-in-schools/"><img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/5tNhsCjReWk/2.jpg" alt="" /></a></span>
<p><strong>Warning: Abuse of an autistic child in an educational setting</strong></p>
<p>Fuckery of the Day:</p>
<h2><a href="http://www.change.org/petitions/petition-to-board-of-education-of-mercer-county-kentucky">Petition to Board of Education of Mercer County, Kentucky</a></h2>
<blockquote><p>In Mercer County, Kentucky, nine year old Chris Baker, an Autistic student, was told by his special education aide to climb inside a gym ball bag for punishment to &#8220;control his autistic behavior&#8221; in mid-December 2011. He was placed in the bag with the drawstring tightened and left in the hallway in the school. When his mother, Sandra Baker, was called to the school to get her son, she demanded that he be removed from the bag right away. The teacher struggled to undo the drawstring, and Chris emerged sweaty and non-communicative. According to the teacher, this had been done several times over the last year, but Sandra didn&#8217;t know until this latest incident. While she met with state officials on Monday 19 December 2011 before a possible meeting with school officials, there is no guarantee that those meetings will prevent this kind of abuse from happening again &#8212; either to Chris or to other students.</p>
<p>If you think it&#8217;s wrong to tell an Autistic child to climb inside a bag intended for gym balls and tighten it with a drawstring, which could potentially have led to serious injury or death, as punishment, then please sign this petition. This is wrong. This is abuse. It needs to stop.</p></blockquote>
<p>Yes it is, and yes it does. (And every single fucking day, something like this shows up. And these are only the incidents where someone is able/willing to effectively raise a stink.)</p>
<p>However, I <strong>cannot</strong> agree with the first demand for action&#8211;and wonder about the effectiveness of many of the rest, by extension:</p>
<blockquote><p>1.) That the teacher(s) responsible for placing Christopher Baker in a gym ball bag be dismissed from position for abusing a vulnerable person (a person with a disability) OR be required to successfully complete extensive continuing education professional training in interacting with and educating Autistic students and students with other disabilities, not to be fewer than at least the equivalent of a semester-long graduate level course developed using existing standards and best practices in model state systems, and which shall specifically include techniques for appropriate de-escalation and crisis intervention;</p></blockquote>
<p>It does not take specialized training to know that closing a child up in a drawstring bag is WRONG. <strong>Any</strong> child, under any conceivable educational circumstance. All the training in the world is not going to help the kind of abusive jerk who wants to treat other people this way. The adults involved should not be spending any time around&#8211;much less working with&#8211;<strong>any</strong> children, disabled people, elderly people, animals, and no doubt other categories of people they might abuse and unfortunately have a reasonable expectation of getting away with abusing. Period.</p>
<p>ETA: I forgot to mention the strong possibility of at least an attempt at child abuse by proxy here, too, besides the humiliation value. Leave a kid out on display in a school hallway <strong>closed up in a sack</strong>, and everyone passing by is going to resist putting the boot in? *scratches head* /ETA</p>
<p>Goodness knows that <a href="http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2011/11/escalation.html">de-escalation</a>* and crisis intervention are useful skills if you plan to deal with other human beings&#8211;in a professional capacity or no&#8211;but in this context? Christ on toast.</p>
<p>Honestly, I&#8217;m not sure that the kinds of training special ed teachers might get is going to help for prevention of this kind of shit. Training in acting like a decent human being who shows respect to those around you? Sure. Not the same thing at all.</p>
<blockquote><p>4.) That use of any type of restraint or seclusion on any student be explicitly prohibited except in brief, temporary, and emergency interventions when there is imminent and immediate threat of harm to self or others, that are carefully and completely documented and reviewed with a full debriefing including the student and parent(s) or guardian(s) afterward.</p></blockquote>
<p>Better than what is already happening, to be sure. But, things have still broken down to the FUBAR point if this even becomes relevant at all. (And, no, do not pull out the <a href="http://astridvanwoerkom.wordpress.com/2009/10/01/you-are-not-like-my-child/">NLMC</a> shit. &#8220;Your&#8221; child also deserves respect.)</p>
<p>_____________</p>
<p>* I want to get back to that post and its followup, at some point.</p>
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		<title>A few videos</title>
		<link>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/12/19/a-few-videos/</link>
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		<pubDate>Mon, 19 Dec 2011 17:21:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>urocyon</dc:creator>
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		<category><![CDATA[music]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[videos]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[when words don't work so well]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[I was going to try to put together a rather weighty post, but couldn&#8217;t after dealing with comments on the last one (and having to reread&#8211;hyperlexia FTW! ). Here are a couple of videos instead, another dispatch from Earworms &#8216;R&#8217; Us. Requiring album rather than live versions today, apparently. It is, indeed, a followup of [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=urocyon.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2397733&amp;post=5724&amp;subd=urocyon&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I was going to try to put together a rather weighty post, but couldn&#8217;t after dealing with comments on the <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/12/16/it-gets-better-for-disabled-kids-too/">last one</a> (and having to reread&#8211;hyperlexia FTW! <img src='http://s0.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_neutral.gif' alt=':-|' class='wp-smiley' /> ). Here are a couple of videos instead, another dispatch from Earworms &#8216;R&#8217; Us. Requiring album rather than live versions today, apparently. It is, indeed, a followup of sorts.</p>
<p><span style="text-align:center; display: block;"><a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/12/19/a-few-videos/"><img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/_vwftjIxPgA/2.jpg" alt="" /></a></span><br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vwftjIxPgA">*Rare* Red Hot Chili Peppers &#8211; My Friends (OFFICIAL ALTERNATIVE VERSION Music Video).</a> &#8220;This video was deemed too &#8216;artsy&#8217; for general release as it was thought that it would alienate fans.&#8221; <a href="http://lyrics.wikia.com/Red_Hot_Chili_Peppers:My_Friends">Lyrics</a>; I was going to use a version subtitled in Spanish and English, but the sound was messed up.</p>
<p><em>One Hot Minute</em> is mostly more like one hot mess (the combination of Dave Navarro and lots and lots of drugs even for the earlier RHCP gives some very strange results), but it does have its moments.</p>
<p>I admittedly also got in a bit of a YouTube rut today because, as the top-rated comment on that video puts it, &#8220;It&#8217;s not like this is breaking news or anything, but Anthony Kiedis probably is one of the most beautiful men to ever grace the face of this planet. His mama may as well have birthed a Michelangelo sculpture.&#8221; Erm, yeah. And I&#8217;ve always been more than a little bit of a sucker for the combo of hair and chinquapin eyes (SW Virginia is not a bad place to be in that regard, no). Reading <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scar_Tissue_(book)"><em>Scar Tissue</em></a>&#8211;with all the rather creepy boundary weirdness&#8211;didn&#8217;t change how pretty he is. <img src='http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif' alt=';)' class='wp-smiley' /> </p>
<p>The version expected to go over better:</p>
<span style="text-align:center; display: block;"><a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/12/19/a-few-videos/"><img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/0kT5w27YxyI/2.jpg" alt="" /></a></span>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kT5w27YxyI">Red Hot Chili Peppers &#8211; My Friends [Official Music Video]</a>. And, yeah, apparently the rocking is OK if you&#8217;re a musician.</p>
<p>And another, from IIRC 1993, very early on the recovery theme (which does not just apply to substance abuse, IME):</p>
<p><span style="text-align:center; display: block;"><a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/12/19/a-few-videos/"><img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/fPAAP2beM_Q/2.jpg" alt="" /></a></span><br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPAAP2beM_Q">Red Hot Chili Peppers - Soul To Squeeze (Music Video) w/ lyrics on description</a>. And <a href="http://lyrics.wikia.com/Red_Hot_Chili_Peppers:Soul_To_Squeeze">lyrics</a>. This is a much lower-quality video than I originally posted&#8211;and the aspect ratio is messed up&#8211;but embedding was disabled on that one.</p>
<p>Talk about needing some <a href="http://msupress.msu.edu/bookTemplate.php?bookID=50">snakes combed out</a>&#8230; I am still not so sure about the <em><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0022913/">Freaks</a></em> and <em><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106598/">Coneheads</a></em> mashup; kind of an unusual choice for the film, anyway. But, apparently Dan Ackroyd specifically wanted the song.</p>
<p>So, of course I can&#8217;t resist throwing in this:</p>
<p><span style="text-align:center; display: block;"><a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/12/19/a-few-videos/"><img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/bBXyB7niEc0/2.jpg" alt="" /></a></span><br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBXyB7niEc0">Gooble Gobble</a> &#8216;Clip from the 1932 MGM movie &#8220;Freaks&#8221;&#8216;</p>
<p>Though instead of hunting down a suitable Ramones performance, as almost seems obligatory there, I&#8217;ll continue the existing theme:</p>
<span style="text-align:center; display: block;"><a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/12/19/a-few-videos/"><img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/TpuE4MsjnT0/2.jpg" alt="" /></a></span>
<p><em>Serenaded by the terror bird&#8230;</em></p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpuE4MsjnT0">Desecration Smile live in studio-Red Hot Chili Peppers</a> &#8220;AOL sessions 2006&#8243; And <a href="http://lyrics.wikia.com/Red_Hot_Chili_Peppers:Desecration_Smile">lyrics</a>. Another that&#8217;s maybe a bit overly radio-friendly, but not a bad perspective for all that. Again with a replacement (even more so this time), because of disabled embedding. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-nNksBWxNI&amp;ob=av3e">The first one</a> I tried to post.</p>
<p>And, in other news, I just found possibly the weirdest spam comment ever, from a site pushing recipes for Norwegian carrot cake. And it really is carrot cake recipes. Someone else with similar: <a href="http://blankadventure.wordpress.com/2011/12/05/gulrotkake-langpanne-will-eat-your-position/" rel="prev">Gulrotkake Langpanne will eat your position.</a> Not sure I want to know what&#8217;s up with that.</p>
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		<title>It Gets Better: for disabled kids, too?</title>
		<link>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/12/16/it-gets-better-for-disabled-kids-too/</link>
		<comments>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/12/16/it-gets-better-for-disabled-kids-too/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 16 Dec 2011 18:24:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>urocyon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[advocacy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[autism]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[disability]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[make it better]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[violence]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Warning: Child abuse, abuse by proxy/severe &#8220;bullying&#8221; of disabled children. This story was brought to my attention by a share by Andrea Chandler on G+. I originally started just ranting about it in an e-mail to Mr. U, but thought it would be better to turn this into a quick post. He might appreciate that, [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=urocyon.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2397733&amp;post=5710&amp;subd=urocyon&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2><strong>Warning: Child abuse, abuse by proxy/severe &#8220;bullying&#8221; of disabled children.</strong></h2>
<p>This story was brought to my attention by a share by Andrea Chandler <a href="https://plus.google.com/113562644638344782433/posts/2GcwuVsBWPK">on G+</a>. I originally started just ranting about it in an e-mail to Mr. U, but thought it would be better to turn this into a quick post. He might appreciate that, too. <img src='http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif' alt=';)' class='wp-smiley' />  This may not hang together too well, dashed out under the influence of PTSD and more than a little anger.</p>
<h3>From California Watch: <a href="http://californiawatch.org/dailyreport/parents-disabled-kids-say-school-pressured-them-sign-away-rights-13950">Parents of disabled kids say school pressured them to sign away rights</a></h3>
<blockquote><p>By the time Krista McGhee pulled her son from school in the Riverside Unified School District, she said the fourth-grader had taken to hiding under his desk, been bitten by his classmates and been bruised by a teacher&#8217;s aide trying to restrain him. McGhee&#8217;s son, who has Asperger&#8217;s syndrome, had been in a special day class for emotionally disturbed children since second grade – a setting she said had devolved into &#8220;a nightmare.&#8221;&#8230;</p>
<p>A program meeting requires the participation of a specific group of people, including special and general education teachers. Instead, two district officials presented McGhee and her son&#8217;s father, Mark McGhee, with what the parents said was a &#8220;take it or leave it&#8221; settlement: Their son would be placed at the school they wanted, but they would waive several rights under state and federal law, including the right to request changes to his individualized program for the next 16 months and the right to file claims against the district during that time.</p></blockquote>
<p>Which would, indeed, suggest that the school system knows they might be held liable for allowing abuse&#8230;and are far more interested in a CYA approach than actually doing anything about the situation. It is also a decent indication of the kinds of rights children&#8211;especially disabled ones&#8211;are considered to have.</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;I was just at my wit&#8217;s end,&#8221; Krista McGhee said. &#8220;I felt like a soldier with battle fatigue. … I felt backed into a corner.&#8221; The McGhees signed the agreement within an hour.</p></blockquote>
<p>Imagine how the poor kid feels. That is why I am only mentioning the parents at all where I can&#8217;t avoid it. This is turned into a parent&#8217;s problem, excusively. A child getting terrorized at school, to the point that he started<strong> hiding under a desk </strong>(no doubt treated as a further behavioral problem),  is only the setup for shitty treatment of parents, and taking advantage of their desperation.</p>
<p>The rights that were signed away? A lot of them were<strong> his</strong>. Funny how people don&#8217;t even want to think about this.</p>
<p>The comment I left on the G+ post:</p>
<blockquote><p>Gee, wonder why anyone might <span style="text-decoration:underline;"><em>end up</em></span> &#8221;emotionally disturbed&#8221; after that kind of treatment, too? (That just particularly got under my skin, having been treated as The Disciplinary Problem myself, while walking around with bite marks, etc. to the point that Social Services actually got involved&#8230;and couldn&#8217;t/wouldn&#8217;t do anything because it was from other kids in school. And, yeah, if the Asperger&#8217;s dx had been in use then, I probably would have gotten it.)</p>
<p>But, yeah, I knew that parents were frequently already at a disadvantage unless they (a) know their/their kids&#8217; rights, and (b) have some means of getting taken seriously&#8211;but this is ridiculous.</p></blockquote>
<p>Some expansion, revised from the e-mail I started writing:</p>
<p>I actually found that triggering enough, from the kid&#8217;s perspective, that I am having to take a break from the computer for a while.  [Not so much after all, since writing something about it felt more important--even still shaking.] And, again, I wonder what some people think that good old &#8220;character-building&#8221; &#8220;bullying&#8221; consists of.<strong> More common than not</strong> for it to get to that point with variously disabled kids in sufficiently conformist environments.</p>
<p>But, yeah, at least that kid&#8217;s parents did pull him out of the situation, even if they felt forced to return him to the same school district which had been sanctioning the abuse. Instead of <a href="https://plus.google.com/112859245988068430436/posts/iftgb3xXfar">blaming him for not just beating the crap out of the other kids who were abusing him</a> with tacit (or maybe not so subtle) permission from authorities. (Or, indeed, not persisting in doing so, after seeing what kind of response that got from said authorities. See also &#8220;The Disciplinary Problem&#8221;.)</p>
<p>As per my comment, that situation did end up coming to the attention of social services when I was in second grade, because Biodad was doing the classic abusive &#8220;repeatedly call them on the other parent as harassment&#8221; thing. But it did get investigated&#8211;bite marks, pencil stab marks, bruises, and all&#8211;and nobody did a damned thing. Besides my mom threatening the teacher with commensurate physical harm, blow for blow, a couple of times&#8211;which really helped a lot. *eyeroll* She knew about the violence before social services came around and flipped out over the physical marks, of course. Not that the visible marks were the worst of the actual violence in that situation.</p>
<p>Though the article seemed to be trying to put most of the violence this boy was subjected to off on children already designated &#8220;emotionally disturbed&#8221; (<em>and</em> a teacher&#8217;s aide, indeed), it should also be noted that all of this happened in a regular classroom. With the victim being considered to have an anger problem and no doubt other &#8220;emotional disturbances&#8221; when she objected to being bitten, etc. by other &#8220;normal&#8221; children.</p>
<p>And by &#8220;nobody did a damned thing&#8221;, I mean that it apparently didn&#8217;t even occur to anybody to tell me outright that the biting, the stabbing, and all the rest<strong> were wrong</strong>. And, by that point&#8211;at seven&#8211;I was already well on my way to thinking that the main problem there was maybe that adults were being inconvenienced. Hard to admit now, an even harder way to live for the better part of a couple of decades.</p>
<p>BTW, that was under the same teacher who actually asked my mother for permission to hit me, basically because she thought I was strong-willed. I&#8217;d never even heard that term used as an insult before. So, that denied (wonder why?!), she sat me down next to the main kid who was doing shit like biting and stabbing me with pencils&#8211;and if I yelled because I&#8217;d just had the blood bitten out of me, I was being disruptive. (The excuse given for leaving me there? I was the only kid who would sit next to her. That would be because I didn&#8217;t know I had any option whatsoever, but would have hidden under a piece of furniture myself&#8211;or, more likely, just run totally out of the school building and taken to the woods&#8211;had it occurred to me that it was even possible. In the context of having any reasonable expectation of not being blamed for the situation turning uglier afterward, and maybe at home for not dealing properly with &#8220;my&#8221; problems.)</p>
<p>I really do wish that child abuse by proxy were recognized as such, and adults held accountable for despicably using and abusing and pitting kids against one another that way. Because it is not uncommon in &#8220;bullying&#8221; situations, and there is nothing else to truthfully call it.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s not just on my own behalf that I got so triggered, reading that story; I sometimes get totally overwhelmed by the number of kids who do end up having to live that way, with no support. (But, indeed, at least this one had <em>some</em> backup.)</p>
<p>I can&#8217;t find the post with further discussion in comments about this right now&#8211;nor even remember whose blog it was on&#8211;but no wonder some bloggers are trying to get together an autistic version of <a href="http://www.itgetsbetter.org/">It Gets Better</a>. (Started it off, though, IIRC: <a href="http://juststimming.wordpress.com/2011/08/03/please-please-believe-me/" rel="next">Please, Please Believe Me</a>. I was also trying to find where to send something, in that particular case.) Just like with the original, I&#8217;d prefer more emphasis on <a href="http://www.makeitbetterproject.org/"><strong>Make</strong> It Better</a> (for <a href="http://ifrymineinbutter.com/2010/10/15/pop-culture-meets-lgbt-trauma/">these reasons</a> and more)&#8211;but part of the problem there is that not so many disabled kids have any non-pathologizing support <strong>anywhere</strong>, and the main thing they can reasonably change is the way they&#8217;re thinking about things (i.e., &#8220;does <em>anybody</em> deserve this?&#8221;) while they are still living at home with compulsory school attendance.</p>
<p>I mean, it was apparently big news when (still deficit-model) research suggested that maybe teaching other kids not to act like assholes and actually try to get along with disabled kids <a href="http://youneedacat.tumblr.com/post/13484606025/theskinofourteeth-this-just-in-research-shows">might do more </a>to improve social outcomes than just trying to teach disabled kids to pass. And I doubt that makes much impact, unfortunately.</p>
<p>And we come back around to <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/04/29/inferiority-and-its-own-kind-of-informed-consent/">Inferiority and its own kind of informed consent</a>, and <a href="http://aspergersquare8.blogspot.com/2009/09/therein-lies-problem.html">Bev&#8217;s</a> classic pie chart:</p>
<div class="mceTemp">
<dl class="wp-caption alignnone">
<dt class="wp-caption-dt"><img class=" " src="http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/9/18/128977945958889534.png" alt="" width="454" height="447" /></dt>
</dl>
</div>
<p><em>ETA Description: A pie chart, &#8220;When I say Autism, You Say…&#8221;, with wedges from largest to smallest:<br />
Something about vaccines<br />
Something about a movie you’ve seen<br />
Something about treatments<br />
Something with the words “Tragic” or “devastating”<br />
Something about finding a “cure”<br />
Something about children<br />
Something about Autism Speaks<br />
Something about human rights. (A miniscule sliver, maybe constituting 1-2%)</em></p>
<p><em>Thanks to <a href="http://crackedmirrorinshalott.wordpress.com/">Savannah</a> for transcription help!</em></p>
<p>Note that &#8220;something about children&#8221; and &#8220;something about human rights&#8221; are very different categories, to begin with.</p>
<p>Not sure how to work it in there, but there is also <a title="The We Got Your Back Project" href="http://wegotyourbackproject.wordpress.com/" rel="home">The We Got Your Back Project</a>, which looks like a good resource on the LGBTQA* end of things.</p>
<p>See also Lindsay&#8217;s unfortunately apt <a href="http://autistscorner.blogspot.com/2011/08/born-this-way.html">Born This Way</a>. Not mentioned in an Olympics kind of way&#8211;being sort of a dual citizen myself&#8211;but because the common narratives there are so very different. Note: similar applies to other similarly heavily and dehumanizingly medicalized disabilities, but most of my experience is with autism/presumed mental illness/&#8221;<a href="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/coping-with-a-delayed-diagnoses.14598/#post-187243">mental illness by proxy</a>&#8220;. And I am <strong>not</strong> saying that people with certain disabilities can&#8217;t advocate for ourselves to Make It Better, just that we&#8217;re less likely to be taken seriously when we do so.</p>
<p>Especially as kids, who <em>by definition</em> can&#8217;t possibly know what&#8217;s good for us (like, erm, lack of abuse and restraint), <em>because</em> we are kids with certain disabilities. And it&#8217;s less likely to be seen as wrong&#8211;much less potentially a hate crime&#8211;when people <a href="http://duyukdv.tumblr.com/post/5281283843/sanityscraps-im-ceo-bitch-questioning-autism">abuse</a> or even <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090412040143/http://www.thiswayoflife.org/murder.html">kill us</a> because we&#8217;re disabled, by a frightening proportion of the population.</p>
<p>There might be a problem when <a href="http://www.procedures.leedslscb.org.uk/chapters/p_abuse_disabld.html">this</a> even makes sense:</p>
<blockquote><p>It should be remembered that disabled children are children first and foremost, and have the same rights to protection as any other child. People caring for and working with disabled children need to be alert to the signs and symptoms of abuse.</p>
<p>Disabled children must be responded to as individuals with their own specific needs, feelings, thoughts and opinions.</p></blockquote>
<p>I should bloody well hope so. *headdesk* And if you ignore signs of abuse, and leave <strong>any</strong> child in a situation where you have reason to suspect it? More child abuse by proxy. (&#8220;Research also indicates that as well as being the least protected, disabled children are also the least consulted in routine assessments.&#8221;)</p>
<p>In some ways, things might have been easier for those of us old enough that our problem was, as one person <a href="http://thinkingautismguide.blogspot.com/2011/09/advocateparent-dialogues-day-seven.html#IDComment199823800">put it</a>, being autistic rather than &#8220;having autism&#8221;. Fewer <a href="http://www.autismandempathy.com/">dehumanizing assumptions</a> apply. And there would have been hell to pay if any adult outside a medical setting (bit of a problem there <img src='http://s0.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_neutral.gif' alt=':-|' class='wp-smiley' /> ) had even <strong>tried </strong>to restrain me, to the point of leaving bruises like on the kid in the news story or no. But, &#8220;having Asperger&#8217;s&#8221; somehow makes that appropriate. And look at some of the defensive, insulting responses to Kassiane&#8217;s <a href="http://thinkingautismguide.blogspot.com/2011/11/advocacy-begins-with-no.html">Advocacy Begins With &#8220;No&#8221;</a>. (Which she has written some about here: <a href="http://timetolisten.blogspot.com/2011/11/so-this-is-why-i-dont-blog-for-other.html">So this is why I don&#8217;t blog for other people much, or go to many conferences.</a>)</p>
<p>I forgot exactly where I was trying to go with this. But, the &#8220;sign away <em>their</em> rights&#8221; story, combined with Kassiane&#8217;s post, made me think: maybe one thing that would actually help Make It Better could be mentoring/advocacy help from adults dealing with similar disabilities. Besides just the general encouragement that it is possible to have a good life while disabled. (Yeah, like that&#8217;ll really happen without restraining orders being taken out by some non-disabled adults&#8230;)</p>
<p>I mean, in my parents&#8217; (well, Biodad-instigated, again to harass) endless custody battles, I was assigned a legal advocate by the court. Because it was at least recognized in that case that I might have my own interests which did not coincide with those of either parent, and that maybe even kids have some rights. In that particular case, it was less helpful than a chocolate teakettle, since I got some lawyer <strong>who never even spoke with me</strong>. (Kind of like some non-disabled parents trying to &#8220;advocate&#8221; for their own constructed mental images of who/<em>what</em> their children are, yeah.) It pissed me off at the time that nobody even thought that might be necessary, and it still does.</p>
<p>But, actually helpful help with advocacy for disabled kids (and adults) in some settings&#8211;so that the person in question might have a better chance of actually getting heard&#8211;might do some good. If I could use that trying to deal with doctors, how much more someone caught in a situation where their parents are being pressured to sign &#8220;their&#8221; rights away? Just the idea that a disabled person&#8217;s interests are not necessarily the same as a caregiver&#8217;s should not be revolutionary.</p>
<p>Nor the idea that it sometimes helps an awful lot to talk to someone who knows more about how to work the system in question. Even if said system can be surviving childhood and adolescence with people around you doing their damnedest to make you not want to sometimes. And we come back around to the Make It Better idea.</p>
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		<title>More hair politics</title>
		<link>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/11/30/more-hair-politics/</link>
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		<pubDate>Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:58:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>urocyon</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[I was working on a link roundup post, but found myself sidetracked by more hair-related stuff. So, I thought I&#8217;d split that off and expand on it some, admittedly in a pretty scattered way. The post that got me started, from Chally at Zero at the Bone: An Open Letter to White People Who Like to [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=urocyon.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2397733&amp;post=5676&amp;subd=urocyon&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I was working on a link roundup post, but found myself sidetracked by more hair-related stuff. So, I thought I&#8217;d split that off and expand on it some, admittedly in a pretty scattered way. <img src='http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif' alt=';)' class='wp-smiley' />  The post that got me started, from Chally at Zero at the Bone: <a title="Permalink to An Open Letter to White People Who Like to Touch My Hair" href="http://zeroatthebone.wordpress.com/2011/11/02/an-open-letter-to-white-people-who-like-to-touch-my-hair/" rel="bookmark">An Open Letter to White People Who Like to Touch My Hair</a>.</p>
<blockquote><p>I know, I know, my hair is pretty fabulous. Groups of hairdressers gather around and look at it in almost tearful wonder. I strongly suspect that it consumes small objects, and there’s a whispered tale that it grants wishes. I know you spent many a 1980s afternoon trying to achieve the same effect in vain, but it is impossible to replicate the magic. That’s most unfortunate for you. However, this does not give you the right to touch my hair&#8230;</p>
<div> For, you see, my hair might be an object of the shiny to you. It is, however, a part of my body. It is not like a piece of clothing that I put on everyday – not that you’d be likely to reach out and feel my clothes. It is actually attached to my head. Much in the way that I don’t walk up to you and grab your knees without permission, I would like if you gave my hair the same respect&#8230;This is why I stay there in shock and smile nervously rather than berate you. Because it’s just too weird to react in time to yell, and, if someone has that little respect for my body already, I get kind of scared about what else they might do if I complain.</div>
</blockquote>
<p>Comment I had to leave:</p>
<p>This is <em>exactly</em> why I wear my hair up in public, since I have been letting it grow out. (I am also both autistic and coming from a culture where you just don&#8217;t touch other people like that without permission&#8211;if anything, <strong>especially</strong> their hair.) Not just pulled back or braided, but totally up.</p>
<p>I don&#8217;t get the impression that random people on the street in London are as likely to get all touchy-feely with it*&#8211;because long, curly hair is just so hideously exotic they can&#8217;t help themselves, or something like that&#8211;but I still do it preemptively, remembering too well the last time I wore it long. The creepy entitlement astounds. The most trouble I had before was with strange men mostly from other cultural backgrounds&#8211;though, yeah, not all <img src='http://s0.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_sad.gif' alt=':(' class='wp-smiley' /> &#8211;and the added dynamics there are even creepier.</p>
<p>Not suggesting that people should have to keep their hair out of the way of rude pawing. Rather the reverse.</p>
<p>___</p>
<p>* Besides not getting physical boundaries violated as often (general shoviness on the street and assorted xenophobic reactions are another matter), there doesn&#8217;t seem to be anything like the same coding of &#8220;you must at least be &#8216;mixed&#8217;&#8221;, <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2010/05/28/ethnic-hair/">&#8220;ethnic&#8221; hair</a> as in at least some former colonies. (Interesting to read some of your experience with coding in Australia, BTW.) Mine has still astounded hairdressers, though. <img src='http://s0.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_neutral.gif' alt=':-|' class='wp-smiley' />  <em>[end]</em></p>
<p>A good one at Womanist Musings: <a href="http://www.womanist-musings.com/2011/07/is-touching-black-womens-hair-racist.html">Is Touching Black Women&#8217;s Hair Racist?</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p>CNN linked to a post I wrote in 2008 entitled <em><a href="http://www.womanist-musings.com/2008/09/can-i-touch-your-hair-black-women-and.html">Can I Touch Your Hair? Black Women and The Petting Zoo</a>.</em> On top of sending me some of the most vitriolic racist hate mail that I have ever received, many decided to spread their filth in the comment section on my blog. Below you will find some of the comments that were so clearly racist that I decided not to publish them.  I do so now because I think that they will make great fodder for discussion.</p></blockquote>
<p>Some of those comments really did amaze me. Talk about entitlement, and people who will pitch ridiculous hateful fits when somebody dares to question it and assert a right to bodily autonomy.</p>
<blockquote><p>It is not a compliment to exotify the other.  Even those who claim to wish that they had Black hair are problematic because they sure as hell don&#8217;t want anything else that comes with being Black.</p></blockquote>
<p>A video this theme reminds me of, found via Cecilia <a href="http://www.anishinaabekwe.com/2011/04/video-wanna-watch-me-braid-my-hair.html">at Anisnaabekwe</a>. (I haven&#8217;t been keeping up well, but was glad to see she&#8217;s off hiatus when going back to find the post.)</p>
<span style="text-align:center; display: block;"><a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/11/30/more-hair-politics/"><img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/q4e14WBFei8/2.jpg" alt="" /></a></span>
<p>BTW, as I&#8217;ve mentioned before, in the US I am more likely to get read as &#8220;part Indian&#8221; when my hair is long, curly or not&#8211;including by other people from Native backgrounds&#8211;and I have very little doubt that this is also a factor in people feeling disturbingly free to mess with my hair and braid(s) in public. This kind of one set of stereotypes overriding another is also no doubt a factor in my younger cousin, who has the same hair but lighter which she has worn long since she was old enough to express a preference, getting &#8220;you look like a blonde Indian!&#8221; comments. (How about that! Especially when Mom is coming from a more German background. *sigh*)</p>
<p>This also reminds me of how my like-it-or-not celebrity near-hair twin (down to the color) was using this:</p>
<span style="text-align:center; display: block;"><a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/11/30/more-hair-politics/"><img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/dOCQIV1Nar8/2.jpg" alt="" /></a></span>
<p><em>&#8220;Too many times you walked away, and was made to feel ashamed&#8230;&#8221;</em></p>
<p>(I think I&#8217;ve got more hair with a bit tighter curl, but it&#8217;s kinda hard to tell&#8211;see also <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/08/05/why-i-stopped-combing-my-hair-image-heavy/" rel="prev">Why I stopped combing my hair</a>. Especially since they kept a hat or bandanna jammed down on his head there after trying to brush/comb the curl out, to keep it from bushing as wildly. I recognize that because I have done similar myself.)</p>
<p>I actually rather like that one, and wrote a little bit about why after I ran across it, at the bottom of <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2009/01/19/seeing-trauma-for-what-it-is/">this post</a>. I&#8217;m a bit ashamed to admit that it made me think better of old Billy Ray. I also had to get a bit tickled at no doubt unknowingly moving your mouth like you&#8217;re speaking Cherokee while speaking/singing in English. (Familiar pattern, yes, which I only recognized after starting trying to learn the language.)</p>
<p>Then there is <a href="http://dragonflyrising.wearetheones.info/activist.php">Qwo-Li Driskill</a>. (Photo <a href="http://blogs.sou.edu/facultyfocus/2010/09/13/charting-the-nature-of-bigotry-kylan-de-vries-joins-sous-sociology-program/">source</a>.)</p>
<p><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4129/4987561672_a0383ff859.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="111" /></p>
<p>Complete with <a href="http://64.38.12.138/boardx/post.asp?method=ReplyQuote&amp;REPLY_ID=380232&amp;TOPIC_ID=18464&amp;FORUM_ID=5">ignorant snarking</a>, which was at least answered with a very traditional &#8220;Quo Li is fully legit&#8230;.. Goot person-good buddy of my cousin&#8221; :</p>
<blockquote><p>interesting article&#8230;but it reminds me of the two spirit poet Qwo-Li Driskill who i saw give a reading at U Penn the other day. I questioned Qwo-Li&#8217;s status as cherokee indian in my head when another listener asked if he had ever been questioned as his appeareance is that of a long haired irish guy/girl. He stated that he is only questioned by non-indians and is well accepted in grassroots movements. Thats one of the big obvious giveaways isnt it? Just questionin&#8217;&#8230;.</p></blockquote>
<p><a href="http://dragonflyrising.wearetheones.info/index2.php">Self-description</a> there: &#8220;Qwo-Li Driskill is a Cherokee Two-Spirit/Queer writer, scholar, educator, activist, and performer also of African, Irish, Lenape, Lumbee, and Osage <em>ascent</em>.&#8221; Erm, yeah, not exactly hiding the &#8220;mixed&#8221; ancestry&#8211;nor contradictory.</p>
<p>Particularly ignorant snarking, since given some <a href="http://www.newworldcelts.org/index.php?option=com_content&amp;view=category&amp;layout=blog&amp;id=12&amp;Itemid=25">colonial patterns</a> with who was considered inferior and some cultural similarities, it&#8217;s kinda hard <strong>not</strong> to have some Irish and/or Scottish ancestry along with the Tsalagi (or Creek, or most other Eastern nations), way back when. (Which also includes a number of people considered &#8220;fullbloods&#8221;, given the way blood quantum was determined ca. 1830 and <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2010/04/19/history-isn%E2%80%99t-just-%E2%80%98their-story%E2%80%99-consensus-reality/">very different</a> traditional ideas about race and community. And I do half-expect some hateful comments over pointing this out. <img src='http://s0.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_neutral.gif' alt=':-|' class='wp-smiley' /> ) Assuming that this somehow makes Native-identifying people look less like <em>who they are</em> is its own problem&#8211;<a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/04/20/coloring-and-identity-part-2-75-when-colonial-racism-meets-reality/">in multiple ways</a>. And, yeah, that ties back in with &#8220;ethnic hair&#8221;, and certain people&#8217;s feelings of entitlement.</p>
<p>I have been wanting to write more about the weirdness of letting my hair grow out apparently being seen as enough of a femme touch to make me set off fewer xenophobic gender-related alarms here&#8211;and make me feel even more invisibly nonbinary. The curliness probably helps, in even more bizarre coding. But, I have repeatedly been impressed at what a difference small things seem to make in people&#8217;s perceived ability to gender-pigeonhole a person. An urge/felt responsibility which seems particularly strong in Greater London.</p>
<p>Hopefully, I will get around to more on that in something I&#8217;ve been working on, but here is another good piece from Dan Waters, writing at Womanist Musings, that I&#8217;ve been waiting for a reason to link: <a href="http://www.womanist-musings.com/2011/04/hair-and-scalping-fiascos.html">Hair and the Scalping Fiascos</a>.</p>
<blockquote><p>This post was prompted by two discussions I’ve had over the year: one I had with a few friends, who are well-meaning cis-allies but they have their moments of fail, and a blind-date conversation that turned horrible racist. With my friends specifically, I didn’t feel this was necessarily a trans-fail, because, to be honest, I know very few white-FTM individuals who actively keep their hair long. It sort of seemed like a race-fail, with some gender-fail sprinkling on top of it. The other guy? Well, you’ll see he had no excuse.</p>
<p>The question was: Dan, why do you keep your hair long?</p>
<p>It went into the typical argument that I’ve even heard amongst transgender community: I wouldn’t be taken seriously as a male. Really? Hair suddenly determines my sex and gender identity? I actually thought my hair determined if I was emo (see: days when I had scene hair), and what tribe I was from, or if I washed it that day. Of course, I doubt most tribes have purple in their hair, but I digress.</p>
<p>Since 2009/New Years 2010, I decided to keep my hair long. It’s been a love-hate process, because I constantly have to make validity of trans-ness (should I trademark that?) arguments, my Vitamin D deficiency (it almost feels rickets-y, I swear) has much of my hair in very dry, thin, and sometimes crinkled (literally, crinkled. It is not nappy, this is different) state, and it’s such a thick bundle that I can barely do anything besides traditional hair styles unless I super-condition it with sodium lauryl sulfates.</p>
<p>It has taken longer for my hair to grow out, but I hopefully can get it to where it was when I was 5 or so.</p></blockquote>
<p>(Well, there&#8217;s the documented fondness further south for adding bloodroot/puccoon red&#8230; <img src='http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif' alt=';)' class='wp-smiley' /> ) That was a long enough quote as it is, but I had to leave in the bits about complications due to D deficiency, having been running into <strong>very</strong> similar myself. I didn&#8217;t quote any of the hideous scalping fail, but it is very much worth clicking through to read.</p>
<div class="wp-caption alignnone" style="width: 496px"><a href="http://amertribes.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=eastern&amp;action=display&amp;thread=627"><img class=" " src="http://sirismm.si.edu/naa/24/northeast/00767200.jpg" alt="" width="486" height="614" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">&quot;Iroquois man - 1871&quot; This guy, he comes across so femme. With the floral beadwork, too.</p></div>
<p>I was also reminded of a hair-related comment, concerning a (IIRC) Mohawk acquaintance who never gets read as queer outside Native communities thanks to her hair, on Tiara&#8217;s <a href="http://www.racialicious.com/2010/12/21/exotic-taboo-love-anonymously">Exotic Taboo [Love, Anonymously]</a>&#8211;but the Disqus comments wouldn&#8217;t load again. (This has been a problem before, and not just at Racialicious.) That&#8217;s an excellent post anyway, and I will probably come back to some of it.</p>
<blockquote><p>I want to be able to mix up clothing, accessories, stances, looks, attitudes, words, expressions, body language, and not assume that I am coding as Butch or Femme or Kinky or Vanilla just because I’m expressing something that means different things to different people.</p>
<p>Sort of like how the word “air” can refer to both “the thing we breathe” in English, or “water” in Malay. Exact same letters, different pronunciation, different meaning. Similarly, my mannerisms and costumes and ideas may share the same letters or components as other “words” or subcultures, but I’m speaking a different language, so don’t assume you know what I’m saying.</p></blockquote>
<p>Yeah.</p>
<div class="wp-caption alignnone" style="width: 431px"><a href="http://amertribes.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=eastern&amp;action=display&amp;thread=627"><img class=" " src="http://sirismm.si.edu/naa/baegn/gn_00959.jpg" alt="" width="421" height="538" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">This fellow too. &quot;Curly Johnson - Iroquois (Onondaga) - 1904&quot;</p></div>
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		<title>(Still) more on science and religion</title>
		<link>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/11/26/still-more-on-science-and-religion/</link>
		<comments>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/11/26/still-more-on-science-and-religion/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 26 Nov 2011 21:43:55 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>urocyon</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[A little while ago, I couldn&#8217;t help commenting on a post I reshared on Google +, even though the content is maybe more suited to some of what I&#8217;ve been doing here. (Very possibly why, at the time of writing this, nobody has responded there; it&#8217;s kind of dense by many people&#8217;s standards.) I tried [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=urocyon.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2397733&amp;post=5656&amp;subd=urocyon&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>A little while ago, I couldn&#8217;t help commenting on a post I reshared <a href="https://plus.google.com/112859245988068430436/posts/1X3zoYxbnjE">on Google +</a>, even though the content is maybe more suited to some of what I&#8217;ve been doing here. (Very possibly why, at the time of writing this, nobody has responded there; it&#8217;s kind of dense by many people&#8217;s standards.) I tried to keep things short over there, believe it or not <img src='http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif' alt=';)' class='wp-smiley' /> , but I thought I&#8217;d repost it here where it is more relevant, and probably expand a bit.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m trying to avoid nesting blockquotes here, but will set it off with dividing lines for clarity. And change the formatting a bit, so I&#8217;m not top-posting before there&#8217;s any context to wrap around it. (I ended up having trouble getting some line break/paragraph spacing formatting in particular right after pasting that in, and ran out of spoons to deal with it. So, sorry it&#8217;s kind of ugly in places.)</p>
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<p>via +<a href="https://plus.google.com/103900810161918675722">John Pappas</a> <em>[of <a title="Sweep the dust, Push the dirt" href="http://zendirtzendust.com/" rel="home">Sweep the dust, Push the dirt</a>--which I haven't been able to keep up with well lately! But, very thoughtful blog.]</em>:</p>
<p><em>Science, unlike religion, seeks truth regardless of how it makes us feel. Buddhism raises radical questions about our inner and outer reality, but it is finally not radical enough to accommodate science&#8217;s disturbing perspective. The remaining question is whether any form of spirituality can&#8230;</em></p>
<p>I enjoyed the article but any religion practice is defined by an <strong>individual&#8217;s</strong> need, perspective and inherent skepticism. In that way there is a spectrum of religious people even within one particular static belief system. This is also why organized religions are so fearful of &#8220;picking and choosing&#8221; aspects of the religion you &#8220;belong&#8221; to. When you choose for yourself you disintegrate the power structure that religions built around themselves to secure their position in society. You, in essence, state that they are not needed.</p>
<p>And you are correct. It becomes the goal of the individual to align their spiritual self with the stark (but wonderful) realities that science unfolds.</p>
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<div><img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-XPSTUxhruC8/AAAAAAAAAAI/AAAAAAAAAAA/fUpM22MNH60/photo.jpg?sz=48" alt="Gareth John's profile photo" /><a href="https://plus.google.com/100969972953036434548" rel="nofollow">Gareth John</a> originally shared this post:</div>
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<p>At last:</p>
<p>&#8220;All religions, including Buddhism, stem from our narcissistic wish to believe that the universe was created for our benefit, as a stage for our spiritual quests. In contrast, science tells us that we are incidental, accidental. Far from being the raison d&#8217;être of the universe, we appeared through sheer happenstance, and we could vanish in the same way. This is not a comforting viewpoint, but science, unlike religion, seeks truth regardless of how it makes us feel. Buddhism raises radical questions about our inner and outer reality, but it is finally not radical enough to accommodate science&#8217;s disturbing perspective. The remaining question is whether any form of spirituality can.&#8221;</p>
<p>Brilliant piece on why Buddhism shouldn&#8217;t be awarded &#8216;special status&#8217; by the skeptical community. Like all religions, it&#8217;s got its fair share of woo too.</p>
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<p><img src="https://s2.googleusercontent.com/s2/favicons?domain=www.slate.com" alt="" /></p>
<div><a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/culturebox/2003/02/buddhist_retreat.2.html"> Why I ditched Buddhism.</a></div>
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<div>For a 2,500-year-old religion, Buddhism seems remarkably compatible with our scientifically oriented culture, which may explain its surging popularity here in America. Over the last 15 years, the numb&#8230;</div>
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<div>______ <em>My response:</em>______</div>
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<p>+<a href="https://plus.google.com/103900810161918675722">John Pappas</a> raises some excellent points. I would add explicitly that the tendency to wrap certain kinds of rigid structures and types of mysticism around a philosophical system, should not be confused with the underlying philosophical system itself.</p>
<p>While John Horgan does make some interesting observations about tendencies in Western Buddhism specifically, I kept getting frustrated reading the article because the author seemed to be bringing in many of the same preconceptions about the way the world works which lead to some of tendencies he was describing. Including filtering this through the kind of oppositional dualistic worldview which is kinda incompatible with Buddhist philosophy. This includes the assumption that somehow science and everything that gets described as religion are inherently incompatible and ultimately irreconcilable.</p>
<p>If your philosophical system gets in the way of trying to understand the world around you&#8211;whatever the details may be&#8211;you&#8217;re doing it <strong>wrong</strong>.</p>
<p>Something I wrote about that general theme, from a different philosophical perspective, a while back&#8211;though most of the points apply equally well to Buddhist philosophy:<br />
<a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/08/24/philosophy-science-and-chaos-part-2-conflict-and-skepticism/">http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/08/24/philosophy-science-and-chaos-part-2-conflict-and-skepticism/</a></p>
<p>Illusions getting in the way? Hrm. I didn&#8217;t get the impression that he developed a very thorough understanding of the actual philosophy involved, before rejecting some of the outward trappings and, indeed, ways that philosophical concepts and the terms for them are commonly interpreted by people coming from Western systems&#8211;which may or may not say much about, say, <em>anatta</em> itself. (Which does not have much in common with Western nihilism, no.)</p>
<p>These days I identify more as Buddhism-inspired, myself, but seem to have put a lot more time and effort into trying to make sense of a philosophical system I might or might not more fully identify with.</p>
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<div><em>[Added as a comment:]</em></div>
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<p>I totally forgot to mention the assumptions of some kind of conflict between individual and wider community interests. Which, particularly for people who have grown up with the common emphasis on rugged individualism pushed in dominant US culture, I can well imagine is hard to get past as a base assumption about how the world must inevitably work. This applies equally well to some of Horgan&#8217;s observations&#8211;and to some of the frankly narcissistic behavior I have personally witnessed in some Western convert communities. (While this level of it is, indeed, not the norm, it is kind of hard <strong>not</strong> to notice.)And none of this meshes too well with a Buddhist (or other) emphasis on interconnectedness.</p>
<p>There is another view: that strong individuals kinda by definition make for strong communities, and that you can&#8217;t do much to help other people have good lives unless or until you deal with your own stuff. Emphasis on the two levels of organization is not mutually exclusive.</p>
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<p>I didn&#8217;t want to clog things up there with links back to posts here&#8211;out of my usual desire for thorough explanations before anybody can misinterpret what I&#8217;m trying to say <img src='http://s0.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif' alt=':)' class='wp-smiley' /> &#8211;but I wrote some about this no conflict required kind of approach to individuals and wider communities especially toward the end of <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2010/02/27/culture-how-we-view-human-difference-and-abuse/" rel="prev">Culture, how we view human difference, and abuse</a>.</p>
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<div>Buddhism has, for most of its history, run up against and needed reconciliation with different cultural outlooks; one of the strengths of the philosophical traditions there is that they have the built-in flexibility to do that. I was trying to find a good link to something going into how the initial monastic approach clashed big time with the rather different Chinese emphasis on community&#8211;and the compromises and changes in approach and presentation to reconcile this, through emphasis on individuals helping their families through getting their own shit sorted out&#8211;but didn&#8217;t have much luck finding something suitable right now. But, some of the results, from a decent more general <a href="http://history.cultural-china.com/en/166History5060.html">discussion</a> of some of the philosophical conflicts:</div>
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<blockquote><p>The most Daoist of Chinese sects is famously the Chan sect. We can understand its Daoist character by returning to the paradox of desire. Laozi&#8217;s analysis says artificial desires are those created by learned distinctions. If we are to eliminate the desire for Nirvana, it must be by “forgetting” the dichotomy of Nirvana-Samsara. This realization is both the inner reality of enlightenment and corresponds to a mystical answer to the being/non-being of Nirvana. It underwrites the Chan/Zen emphasis on practice, the here and now — “every moment Zen” — and the signature “realization” that we are already Buddha. The Buddha nature is your self-nature—again exemplifying the Neo-Daoist “Sage within, King without” spirit&#8230;</p>
<p>Chinese Zen was dominated by the notion of “sudden enlightenment” which consists of the denial that any process leads anyone closer to the Buddha-nature. You can&#8217;t get any closer — you&#8217;re just there.</p></blockquote>
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<div>(Not surprisingly, I was more drawn to Zen/Chan takes on philosophy, and that led me to learn more about the Taoist philosophies that got blended in.) But, this is one of the most common schools of Buddhism taken into the West. It&#8217;s unfortunately easy for me to see how some people manage to pretty much miss the whole point&#8211;unconsciously&#8211;and fall into self-absorption.</div>
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<p>Horgan mentions Stephen Batchelor&#8217;s works in his article, but seems to have missed one of the major points Batchelor keeps making in <em>Buddhism Without Beliefs: A Contemporary Guide to Awakening</em> (I have not yet read any of his <a href="http://www.stephenbatchelor.org/index.php/en/stephen/publications">other books</a>, though that one made me think a lot): enlightenment is not some kind of mystical occurrence, but a gradual and continuing process of developing a better understanding of the nature of reality and the world around us, and how we really fit into all this. Much as mentioned in the above quote (with basically becoming able to see one&#8217;s &#8220;Buddha nature&#8221; through all the layers of unhelpful stuff we&#8217;ve learned and made up individually), or indeed the closely related processes I talked about some in <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2010/04/06/happiness-part-4-seeing-beauty/" rel="next">Happiness, Part 4: Seeing beauty</a>.</p>
<p>Michel Clasquin-Johnson made some good points in his essay &#8220;Buddhism, science, and other world views&#8221;, in <a href="http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/48074">Common or Garden Dharma. Essays on Contemporary Buddhism, Volume 2 </a>. A sample relevant here (bolding added):</p>
<blockquote><p><strong>From a Buddhist point of view, it seems that the whole question of the relationship, for which we should read the clash of ideologies, between religion and science is a peculiarly Judæo-Christian problem.</strong> As I shall try to make clear, to the Buddhist it is as senseless to say that religion and science are in conflict as to say that mathematics conflicts with English grammar. Both are symbolic languages that attempt to describe reality from a specific perspective. But those initial perspectives are so different that one cannot really talk of a relation between the two unless one posits a higher-order meta-language of which both are subsets&#8230;</p>
<p>On a more strictly academic level, one could mention that Buddhist philosophy has addressed many of the same questions as other religious and philosophical traditions, but starting from often radically different starting points.<strong> This provides us with a unique vantage point from which to examine our own beliefs and arguments, and discover the often well hidden presuppositions, prejudices and apparently self evident “facts” on which our arguments are so often based</strong>&#8230;</p>
<p>From the Buddhist point of view, the enterprise of physics may well be interesting in a theoretical way, but the origin and composition of the universe has nothing whatever to do with the goal of religious practice. The existence of the universe is, of course, a prerequisite for our existence and hence for the possibility of religious practice, but Buddhism takes this existence as a given and proceeds with no further consideration of the matter to its real concern, the state of the human mind&#8230;</p>
<p>And the three central Buddhist themes of impermanence, insubstantiality and unsatisfactoriness are, if not directly applicable as scientific concepts, at least congenial to them. In a later development, these three were conflated into a single concept: “emptiness”. <strong>When Buddhists say that “everything is empty”, this does not imply that nothing exists.</strong> It does mean that while everything in reality is real enough, no part of it could survive without the simultaneous presence of all other parts.<strong> It points to the radical interdependence of all that exists.</strong> It denies the existence of any form of reality that occupies a unique place, that exists solely by its own power. It applies this understanding of reality strictly to everything. <strong>There is no privileged place in this scheme for homo sapiens. There is no “ghost in the machine” &#8211; to classify ourselves as part ghost, part machine is to show an inadequate concept of the complicated nature of existence.</strong> We too are part of this unbelievably intricate web of causality, within and without, in which a myriad of causes, known or unknown, shapes what we are and what we become. This does not lead, in Buddhism, to a strict determinism, for volition is recognized as one of the empirically discernible factors that go into making a sentient being. But there is no soul or self in Buddhist thinking, no irreducible core  of human-ness that transcends the vagaries of empirical existence. In fact, what I have called “insubstantiality” above, when read more literally, is “not-self” (anatta).</p></blockquote>
<p>Much more quoted material than I had intended, but it&#8217;s all very relevant. Buddhist philosophy, <em>per se</em>, may not be focused on the same questions as science, but the original emphasis on &#8220;question everything&#8221; would tend to encourage curiosity about how things are really working in areas more relevant to the sciences.</p>
<p>Personally, I see it all as hard to divide up neatly, and prefer to take pretty much the same approach to all of it. Which seems to me to be kind of the point of all the philosophical influences I&#8217;ve chosen to work with, including the Buddhist side of things. That kind of complexity, though, is hard enough to approach with any hope of understanding if you are <strong>not</strong> relying on common Western philosophical approaches, which are ill-equipped to deal with radically interdependent complexity.</p>
<p>And, yeah, I hope to have the spoons available soon to get back to boring people with the explicitly philosophical series, and maybe even finally get around to the actual chaos and complexity bits. <img src='http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif' alt=';)' class='wp-smiley' /> </p>
<p>One way in which Malslow&#8217;s hierarchy of needs does not adequately explain reality, BTW: having disability-related trouble, with trouble getting some needs met, can leave you with more time and energy to devote to philosophical questions&#8211;not to mention a more pressing perceived need at times.  Kind of like one person <a href="http://www.flamuseum.com/culture/Corn1.html">put it</a>, in a Muskogee context:</p>
<blockquote><p>If something is denied the body, the mind and spirit must be in the intake mode. If the mind and spirit are denied something, the body must be fed. It&#8217;s a matter of maintaining whole-person balance in our understandings.</p></blockquote>
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		<title>So, another Thanksgiving in Indian Country, Essex&#8230;</title>
		<link>http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/11/25/so-another-thanksgiving-in-indian-country-essex/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 25 Nov 2011 01:09:04 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description><![CDATA[&#8216;This engraving is the only known portrait of Pocahontas rendered from life. During her stay in England, Dutch engraver Simon van de Passe captured her likeness and recorded that she, like the artist himself, was 21 years old. It was the first of many depictions of Pocahontas intended to demonstrate that a Native American could [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=urocyon.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2397733&amp;post=5633&amp;subd=urocyon&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>&#8216;This engraving is the only known portrait of Pocahontas rendered from life. During her stay in England, Dutch engraver Simon van de Passe captured her likeness and recorded that she, like the artist himself, was 21 years old. It was the first of many depictions of Pocahontas intended to demonstrate that a Native American could adopt the demeanor of a &#8220;civilized&#8221; European. The Virginia Company—backers of the Jamestown settlement—likely commissioned the engraving with this in mind, hoping to attract more colonists and investors.&#8217; <a href="http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/pocahontas/lege-nf.html">Source</a>.</em></p>
<p><a href="http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/pocahontas/lege-nf.html"><img class=" alignnone" src="http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/pocahontas/images/lege-01.jpg" alt="" width="238" height="308" /></a><a href="http://www.powhatanmuseum.com/Powhatan_Gallery.html"><img class=" " src="http://www.powhatanmuseum.com/sitebuilder/images/PocahomtasUnmasked_1-282x345.jpg" alt="" width="238" height="308" /></a></p>
<p><em>On the right, <a href="http://www.powhatanmuseum.com/Powhatan_Gallery.html">&#8220;Pocahontas Unmasked&#8221;</a> by Rose Powhatan (Pamunkey/Tauxenent). That still doesn&#8217;t look much like any coastal Virginia people I have seen, but she can have her tattoos. <img src='http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif' alt=';)' class='wp-smiley' />  And a smile.</em></p>
<p>So, <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2009/11/26/thanksgiving-in-indian-country-essex-duyukta/">another</a> Thanksgiving in Indian Country, Essex.</p>
<p>I meant to write something to post today about community, diaspora, and identity&#8211;coming from a cultural complex which places a lot of emphasis on family, community, and <strong>place</strong>&#8211;with the inevitable side dish of disability complicating things further. But, I have been continuing with the low (though gradually increasing) energy and trouble wrapping words around what I want to say.</p>
<p>But, I will say that it still feels particularly weird spending the Thanksgiving holiday living in Greater London, of all places, totally away from family and as the only human in the house. And I am almost glad that Mr. U headed off to Edinburgh earlier today, so I don&#8217;t feel nearly as compelled to either try to keep a stiff upper lip or have him witness and probably get worried about the little emotional storms. Suppressing it is not really going to help, so I am having a day with spells of grieving and anger, both from personal PTSD and thinking about the effects of multigenerational/<a href="http://www.pbs.org/indiancountry/challenges/trauma.html">historical trauma</a> that helped create it and lead me to join the diaspora. It&#8217;s hard to sort out the personal from the multigenerational, and it is indeed <strong>all</strong> political at the same time.</p>
<p>I am glad in a way that I have been as socially isolated in meatspace lately as I have been, in part because of not having to deal with well-meaning questions about what I&#8217;m doing for Thanksgiving, and am I flying home? There&#8217;s been no need this year to try to come up with a truthful but non-confrontational-sounding explanation for people who further ask why I don&#8217;t want to celebrate. (I guess I could just use an abrupt &#8220;my mother is dead&#8221; now, for why I&#8217;m not celebrating with family, but that&#8217;s really no better.)</p>
<p>I also keep thinking about the need for reclaiming/reviving/even totally inventing our own holidays out from under the American/British cultural mythologies and <a href="http://www.christianhegemony.org/about-christian-hegemony">Christian hegemony</a>. Though, ha, decolonization is not just for the holidays! <img src='http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif' alt=';)' class='wp-smiley' />  If you don&#8217;t want to do the common public holidays, what do you have left?! This is also complicated not just by most of the traditional festivals being very tied to place and climate (<a href="http://nativeamericannetroots.net/diary/951/the-green-corn-ceremony">Green Corn</a> in Britain, where I haven&#8217;t even wanted to try growing any corn and am part of no larger community celebrating?), but by having married someone from a very different cultural background. Nobody in the house is a theist, and his choosing not to celebrate helped break me of the Christmas habit and guilt&#8211;but it doesn&#8217;t seem right to either celebrate things alone to great extent, or to try to get him celebrating &#8220;holidays&#8221; that aren&#8217;t his either. (The term is even coming out of Christian hegemony.) Even if he did, totally on his own, choose to have a kilt made in one of my family&#8217;s tartans for our wedding. Which I still find touching.</p>
<div class="wp-caption alignnone" style="width: 522px"><a href="http://wedding.hexapodia.net/photos/scaled-0023.jpg"><img class="  " src="http://wedding.hexapodia.net/photos/scaled-0023.jpg" alt="" width="512" height="384" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">Mr. U, with the &quot;Best Man&quot;. Mostly because I think he&#039;s cute in a kilt. <img src='http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif' alt=';)' class='wp-smiley' /> </p></div>
<p>I have to think again about the divide-and-conquer way in which some other people from Native backgrounds have been taught to look down on people like me&#8211;in a very non-traditional manner&#8211;because of my (<a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/04/20/coloring-and-identity-part-2-75-when-colonial-racism-meets-reality/">actualy classic type of</a>) coloring, because my family comes from a Non-Treaty background (other than the &#8220;Powhatan Federation&#8221; and Trail of Tears refugees), because I also honor the Gaelic and other portions of my heritage (including the West African bits *gasp*), because I needed to move away from home and family (for whatever reasons), and because I did marry a fine man who happens to be Swedish (coming out of mostly matrilineal cultures that did a lot of not-so-disruptive exogamy, sometimes out of necessity after the invasions).</p>
<p>I am also glad in a way not to be spending the day in the usual&#8211;<a href="http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2010/11/coping-with-holidays-help-for-aspergers.html">already overwhelming</a>&#8211;extended family gathering, and having to keep my mouth shut and unilaterally try to get along with people who have learned to behave in some <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2010/12/25/holiday-guilt-goodbye-deranged-acting-relatives-edition/">pretty lousy ways</a> which would not have been even vaguely acceptable before all the forced assimilation. I am glad not to have to listen without contradicting my emotionally abusive grandmother while she says all kinds of (internalized/<a href="http://div17.org/TAAR/horizontalaggression.htm">horizontal</a>) racist, homophobic, and just generally hateful <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/08/25/sometimes-its-hard-to-avoid-sounding-nasty-in-english/">xenophobic</a> honestly <a href="http://www.autismandempathy.com/?p=9">emotional empathy</a>-free stuff, since dementia has lowered her inhibitions. (She was no doubt thinking it before, but did not feel free to say it. Much, at least.) I am glad not to hear her get fixated again on how trashy and horrible my grandfather&#8217;s whole not-passing-well family was, largely because they were (*gasp*!) Tutelo/Tsalagi in culture. I am glad not to have to listen to my trained-by-grandma uncle* go on about illegal immigrants, and watch him fight cognitive dissonance over any number of topics&#8211;while we are not supposed to notice how much he&#8217;s drinking, much less consider that this might be a problem. Overall, I am glad not to just have to suck it all up lest I be cast as The Grinch Who Refuses To Pass and identify <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20110515194640/http://www.mingolanguage.org/texts/tom/20c_mingo.html">as an &#8220;Indian descendant&#8221;</a>, who insists on ruining things for everyone else with my lack of enthusiasm for celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday in the first place. And I am not yet over worrying that somebody will jump on me over such unflattering but AFAICT true observations. No wonder I used to have to pop Xanax like candy to get through some occasions&#8230;</p>
<p>And that is all both personal and political, as well.</p>
<p>This year, I am less physically up to cooking a big dinner to <a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2010/11/26/finding-reason-to-celebrate/">celebrate on my own terms</a> like last year, though I wasn&#8217;t really up to it then either. And I can just imagine most of the ancestors I&#8217;d be trying to honor saying, &#8220;Go lie down! You&#8217;re not doing anybody any good, hurting yourself like that. Shoo!&#8221; And I am on my own, other than the animals. But, I will make some (no sugar!) <a href="http://allrecipes.com/recipe/hot-water-cornbread/">hot water cornbread</a> to share with the dog and bake half a small butternut squash to go with leftover October beans from the fridge for my supper, and maybe burn some cedar (which behaves rather differently in Eastern traditions I know of.) That will have to do.</p>
<p>(<em>Later:</em> Actually, he wanted some of everything, including the beans and squash. As long as I hand-fed him morsels. <img src='http://s0.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif' alt=':)' class='wp-smiley' />  The cats weren&#8217;t even trying to beg food off me.)</p>
<p>On the ancestors front, here is an <a href="http://www.blandcountyhistoryarchives.org/buncebrewer.html">interview with my Nana</a> (my late, other grandmother), from an oral history project. No doubt she got interviewed because half the community knew her as Granny Bunce. The first time I read through it several years ago, there was too much grief to pay much attention to what she was saying (and not saying, trying to be polite), but I may come back to some of it later. Partly from the perspective that this is a kind of womanhood I really don&#8217;t mind being assumed to identify with.</p>
<p>I was going for a reprise of &#8220;<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oT7B6m8fKKA">Trail of Tears</a>&#8220;, but here&#8217;s an appropriate song for the day, on a more positive note, which just came up on random mp3 play, with excellent timing:</p>
<span style="text-align:center; display: block;"><a href="http://urocyon.wordpress.com/2011/11/25/so-another-thanksgiving-in-indian-country-essex/"><img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/sLNQ3XPFl1Y/2.jpg" alt="" /></a></span>
<p>&#8220;Bill Miller performs Praises at NMAI&#8217;s Living Earth Festival on August 7, 2010. He&#8217;s joined on stage by Derek Miller.&#8221;<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLNQ3XPFl1Y">Source</a>. And <a href="http://lyrics.wikia.com/Bill_Miller:Praises">lyrics</a> (English version only, I&#8217;m afraid).</p>
<p>______</p>
<p>* On one occasion, I was absolutely gobsmacked and heartbroken when he referred to Native people as &#8220;Them&#8221;&#8211;in a defensive &#8220;They were just as bad as We were/are&#8221; context&#8211;while looking through one of my books on Southeastern artwork. I believe immigrants and learning to speak languages were involved there, as well. When his own father could have been the model for this portrait, to the point that I initially wondered what was up with my Papaw and the turban (<em><a href="http://www.ani-kutani.com/album-cheorkeewords/#alasdulo-turban.jpg">alasdulo</a></em>, actually&#8211;from a rather good graphics-based <a href="http://www.ani-kutani.com/album-cheorkeewords/">Cherokee WOTD</a> site).</p>
<div class="wp-caption alignnone" style="width: 301px"><a href="http://www.npg.si.edu/cexh/brush/index/portraits/sequoyah.htm"><img src="http://www.npg.si.edu/cexh/brush/index/images/lg_SEQUOYAH.jpg" alt="" width="291" height="350" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">&quot;SEQUOYAH (1770?-1843) by Henry Inman (1801 1846), after Charles Bird King&quot;</p></div>
<p>Yep, there are a lot of topics best avoided there, largely <strong>because</strong> I love him dearly. And did I mention that I have younger cousins growing up with these ideas? I also can&#8217;t help but think again about my Papaw feeling like he needed to continue living with someone who openly looked down on his whole background and family, and who otherwise emotionally abused everybody around her. That makes me want to cry.</p>
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